i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
