Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
