Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
