Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
