When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
