Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
