i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
