i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
