I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
