Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
