So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
