I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
