I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
