Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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