I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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