He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
