I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
