Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He is an equal opportunity slut.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
