So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
