handjob tips. give me some.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
