Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
