dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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