turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
