It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
