Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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