I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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