Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
there is glitter all over my balls
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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