explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
last night I used snow as a chaser
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
