the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
