Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
