At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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