The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
