hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
