Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
