no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
