She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
