he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
