haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
