a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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