just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
