Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
