What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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