You're my little dorito
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think my moral compass just broke
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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