shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
