i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
