no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
