if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Randomize
