babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
