i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
