Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
