My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
