We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
