you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
