would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
