Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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