hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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