Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
