Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
