With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
